That was my heart you just stepped on idiot.

During my lunch break yesterday, I had kind've a heart wrenching conversation with my mom. She's a nervous wreck because her job may be pulling a huge chunk of her pay away. I've never really thought of my mom as someone who had actual troubles. She's always had it all together, all figured out. She's always the one solving my problems, right? But now I find myself trying to solve hers, trying to help in any way that I can.

We could rent out the house? She could get a small apartment and maybe even a little parttime job. My mother isn't the healthiest person in the world, so it's difficult for her to work.

I know it's not my responsibility to solve this for her, but it's weighing on my mind a lot. I'm thinking about her a lot today.

So, when she was finished venting and thanked me for my ear, she asked how I was doing as she always does. She knew right away from the hesitation in my answer that I was not feeling all that great.

You see, D has been on my mind lately and (as it always happens) when he's on my mind, he comes back into my life. I haven't really talked to him, but I did have to go into his store and tell him that the phone bill had come in and how much he owed. The look in his eye when he saw me was enough to tell me how he felt. But if that didn't hurt enough, I got a note the next day expressing that he was sorry for the last things that we had said to each other, etc. (I've already told you about this)

As much as I don't want to be that girl, I think that there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I do love this guy. And I feel in my heart that he does love me too. How can you deny that? It hurts... oh it huuuuurts. I hate it, but I miss him. I value my independence, but I miss him. He might hurt me again, but I miiiiiiss him.

I'm a dumb girl, what can I say? I'll let you know how it works out.

Keep me in your thoughts. Ha.