All's Fair In Love & War... I guess

Okay, here goes.. the one you've been waiting for!

The big loooooove post!!

I like to compare myself to J-Lo. Wait, let me rephrase that. I don't like to refer to myself that way, but that seems to be the way I work. I'm a serial monogamist. I've been in 3 hard-core serious relationships that lasted over 18 months and a few here and there that were short lived, but dynamic. Enthusiasm is the name of the game. Here's a list of a few big players in the game of my heart:

D - This is probably the most heart wrenching. For me anyway. D & I were together for almost 3 years and broke it off just over 6 months ago. We were living together and had a boxer, Tucker, together. We were best friends. Stress the word 'were'. He has broken my heart. Although it was ultimately my decision to leave him, the things that drove me to do it killed me. Think lies, late-night-who-knows-whats and drunken arguments. It wasn't always like that of course. It never is in the beginning. We had plans. We were going to raise boxers together, we were going to decorate our office with Red Sox paraphenalia, we had a joint cell phone account and we couldn't wait to be each others dates at his sister's wedding this summer. Our nights consisted of strip games of Super Mario and home cooking together. It tore me apart to leave him. It still does. We tried starting back up again back in December.. huge mistake. But we always make those, don't we? Oh yes..

P - Man of my dreams.. sort of. Good friend of D, better friend to me. Always listens when I talk. Makes me feel important. Well, this is how it was until I broke up with D and decided to try it with P. Big mistake again. It screwed up our great friendship. We are still pals, but there are no more late night talks and lots of awkwardness between us. There may be rumors circulating of him being in love with me, but being afraid that he can't live up to D.

A - Summer fling in South America. Totally stole my heart. May or may not have made the perfect relationship. Lots of alcohol, lots of drugs and lots of mornings waking up going 'huh?' Only to find him singing to me dressed in a poncho. We had EVERYTHING in common. It was short-lived and perfect. Then we came home.. him to his girl and me to my D. Never spoke again. I'd like to keep it that way.. but that doesn't stop me from drunk texting him every four months or so.

AC - Best guy friend from high school. Comes in and out of my life every year around the holidays. Then disappears again, never to be heard of until next time. Makes me laugh harder than anyone in my entire life. He can finish my sentences. No chance of a relationship ever. In his words and my exact thoughts "Ew!! That would be like fucking my sister.. or myself for that matter!!"

B - The new guy. My current favorite. So good on paper. So fun on the phone. So entertaining on the internet late night style.. or when I'm bored at work. One problem.. haven't met him yet. Ha? Insignificant detail. So far all signs are green.. he calls when he says he will, makes jokes about me being a giant and always leaves our phone conversations with a promise to 'come over and make a huge mess in my apartment'. He works A LOT.. but fortunately his office just happens to be very close to my apartment. Convenient? Naaaahh!! My favorite part about him so far? He doesn't know anyone from this shithole town of mine, so it'll be a whole new crowd. Good. Less chance of running into some past bullshit, namely D's past bullshit. Said he'll call tonight. Psyched.

CB - Yikes. An old friend from high school that ran into me on the wrong night, not long after I left D. Made the mistake of introducing him to my luscious lips in a drunken stupor. Haha. It was my fault really, but I didn't know that he was in a bad place as well. He clung, he's a clinger. I felt bad, so I tried to make it work. Talked to him on the phone a lot, even tried one more little date-ish thing sort of? It wasn't working. I knew no amount of regular break-up was going to do it for this guy, so I took the pussy-man way out. I stopped calling him and never returned his calls. I suck. He probably hates me.

M - One of my longest relationships. Almost 2 years. It was while I was in college. M was a very good person, very good. Treated me like gold. He admitted after the break-up that he had planned on marrying me. The whole thing filled me with immense feelings of guilt. I dropped him like a hot potato. He tried so hard to conform to what he thought I wanted.. I tried to explain to him that someone who has to conform is what I don't want! But he persisted and persisted. It totally turned me off him. Years later I still feel badly about the way things ended and think about him a lot. When I found myself completely miserable and lonely, I thought of calling him. But I resisted not wanting to have to go through the horrible feelings of leaving him again, because I know that him & I are not meant to be forever. But he had made me feel so good and that's what I was craving. Attention, I think they call it. I'm proud for resisting. I can't justify uprooting his life all over again just to appease my loneliness.

So there they are.. the men of me. How pathetic. Okay, this was a depressing post. Thanks a lot.

Anyway, with any hope the new year will bring more luck in this department. 2005 really didn't do it for me. But I'm optimistic.. well trying to be.

New year, new blog (a little late, just like me)

I'm here because my brain has been threatening me lately.
It's threatening to explode if I don't get some of these thoughts out. So here goes.. wish me luck.

There are a few things in my life I like to call the 'Big Ones'. The 'Big Ones' are those things in life that really rock the shit out of you if they encounter any big changes. For me they consist of the following:
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Love Life
4. Career/Goals
5. Physical Condition/Weight
6. Living Situation
7. Sanity

Since this is my first entry, I thought I would break them down for you one at a time to give you a better feel of who I am and where I'm coming from in hopes that you can give me an idea of where to go.

Number One: Family

Really not much to complain about here. My family is about as sane as they'll ever be, which is not at all, which is exactly how I like them. They're a very small, very loving, very eccentric group of women with the exception of my grandfather, the patriarch and my cousin Eugene, the misfit.

My mother has been taking in foster children since I was 11 years old. In my opinion, this was her way of making up for the loss of my father (he died when I turned 11). So it's her and about a million little kids running around her small 4 bedroom cottage. She does alright, but sometimes I worry about her with all those children tuggin gat her brain at all times.

My aunt Cindy, middle child, decided to move to New Hampshire after living here in Mass. with her husband for about 20 years. They recently divorced and with my uncle went their 16 year old son, Eugene, and my aunts sanity. It's been a bitter ordeal and I worry about her all the time.

My aunt Sandra moved away to Florida about 4 1/2 years ago. My cousin Amanda, only two years younger than me, went with her. They are both doing well, good jobs, good men. We don't hear from them as much as we should, but I'm sure they are happy.

I like to think of my grandmother as the 'glue'. She's fairly quiet, but only compared to the rest of us and she's super opinionated. And don't argue, just nod your head. She won't scold you, but you'll never live it down. Oh and she has the biggest heart in this world.

I have siblings all over the country, however I am my mother's only biological child. I have an adopted sister, step-sister, step-brothers, foster siblings, half-sisters and one half-brother supposedly (he might be a myth). I don't have the energy to type them all out. When it becomes necessary, I will explain them.

Number Two: Friends

This one is pretty basic as well. I have a lot. I don't have any that I call 'best'. And we mostly drink. I guess you could say I have a lot of 'pals'. I have a few that are closer than others. The most frequent friends lately have been Kerin, Jenn, Kate, Kaci, Kim and Adam. You'll see this list change often. You know how friends are.. it comes in spurts.

Number Three: Love Life

Oh this is suuuuuch a big one. Do you mind if I maybe do this one for ya tomorrow or something? I mean this is only my first entry... don't want to get too intense on you. Besides, this one will make for a good, juicy read.


Number Four: Career/Goals

This is probably one of my proudest arenas. I have done everything I've wanted to and thensome so far. I graduated from Johnson & Wales University this past spring with my Bachelor's Degree in Travel & Tourism Management and two minors, one in Ecotourism and one in Journalism. Let me explain how I tie this all up. I want to be a travel writer someday.. very tight market to tap. But I am making some progress. I've traveled a lot and I've usually written about everywhere I've gone. Until recently, I hadn't done anything with the things I had written. But now that I'm finally settled into my own place and have time to myself (i.e. - single) I had started poking around the internet to see what I could see. And it turns out that not only can I write well, someone was actually iterested in reading it!! How exciting. So I sold my first story. Very proud. And they paid a whopping 4 American dollars! Psyched! Hey, I don't care about the pay at this point. I'm just so happy that someone thinks I have talent. What do you think? Let me know: www.associatedcontent.com My first article is about Guatemalan Ecotourism. Two topics very close to my heart as I lived and studied there 2 summers ago. I absolutely fell in love. Head over heels.

Anyway, officially I work for Liberty Travel, as a travel consultant. So it all fits in so far. I'm hoping eventually to be a big, bad writer in NYC. Either that or a fat homemaker here in New England. We'll see..

Number Five: Physical Condition/Weight

Doing alright so far in this department.
Height: 6'2" tall
Weight: 137 lbs. (a little more than usual, but so what?)
Health: Well let me get back to this one in a future post because I just finally got health insurance recently and will be attending my first doctor's appointment in at least 4 years. So I'm sure I will have a whole list of things to rant about then.

Number Six: Living Situation

This one is good too as of right now. I have my own apartment in a good side of town. Some would call it small, I prefer the word cozy. Some think I pay a little too much, but it includes all utilities and I can afford it so I don't care. Although, my lease is up next month and god knows once I'm not legally bound to something, my mind does wander. I would like to stay here a while, but I am a little nervous about one thing. My landlord (hott, British, has a live-in girlfriend, trouble) is doing over the apartment on the side of mine and so far no has lived there yet. It's loud work, but I don't mind that. This is what I do mind: I can hear their every word. I can hear their conversations about pipes and plumbing. I can hear their arguments about money and budget. And I can even here him when he's working in there alone singing along to classical music. (it's adorable, don't laugh) This means when someone actually lives there, it's gonna be a whole new ball game. Plus, they can most likely hear me.. I do not feel comfortable with that. At all.

Number Seven: Sanity

No hope for it.


'Till next time!
-Frankie