Cheesy roses and a fabulous Symphony bar

So things are fabulous with D.. fabulous! He's been showing up at all hours of the night with sweet little romantic gifts like.. himself. Good enough.

My office was closed for the day this Sunday and we spent the big snow day together. D couldn't find a place to park anywhere near my house, so he parked 6 blocks away and walked. To me. In a blizzard. To be with me. For no reason. For every reason. I was thrilled. I was.

So we spent the day playing Yahtzee and the SIMs on my laptop. We went 3 rounds of Yahtzee and then he took a nap and I made some steaks on my George Foreman. Yea.. that's the extent of my cooking skills. Feel free to laugh, I do. So then came the next 3 rounds of Yahtzee. We love competing with each other. We made wagers for whoever won all 6 rounds and of course he won. So I unfolded his wager and read it outloud.

"Sleep nakie all night long.. and some wookie."

How can you not laugh? How can you not love it? Welcome to the simple pleasures of my not-so-simple life.

I was so not looking forward to the big VD. Not the venereal disease, the Valentine's Day. God up until recently I think I would have preferred the prior VD. But last night as I lay in bed, not able to sleep at 11:45 because of all the $.99 Fruit Punch I had drank while I was watching "The Birdcage", I thought I heard a knock on my door. 'Nah' I said to myself, 'It's probably just the landlord working next door again... which is ridiculous.' But then I my doorbell rang. I threw on my grey hoodie and walked over to my door to open it and find an out-of-breath D standing there kind've covered in snow. "I can't stay, I'm parked in the middle of the road and I was supposed to meet V at my place an hour ago. Here." He hands me a red rose and a chocolate Symphony bar, my faaaavorite. I was so psyched. I mean, it's simple and it's not very involved, but it meant something to me. He left and I was very satisfied with his small gesture.

I brought my rose to work today and the girls all made fun of me.
Ehh.. they're just jealous.

<3

That was my heart you just stepped on idiot.

During my lunch break yesterday, I had kind've a heart wrenching conversation with my mom. She's a nervous wreck because her job may be pulling a huge chunk of her pay away. I've never really thought of my mom as someone who had actual troubles. She's always had it all together, all figured out. She's always the one solving my problems, right? But now I find myself trying to solve hers, trying to help in any way that I can.

We could rent out the house? She could get a small apartment and maybe even a little parttime job. My mother isn't the healthiest person in the world, so it's difficult for her to work.

I know it's not my responsibility to solve this for her, but it's weighing on my mind a lot. I'm thinking about her a lot today.

So, when she was finished venting and thanked me for my ear, she asked how I was doing as she always does. She knew right away from the hesitation in my answer that I was not feeling all that great.

You see, D has been on my mind lately and (as it always happens) when he's on my mind, he comes back into my life. I haven't really talked to him, but I did have to go into his store and tell him that the phone bill had come in and how much he owed. The look in his eye when he saw me was enough to tell me how he felt. But if that didn't hurt enough, I got a note the next day expressing that he was sorry for the last things that we had said to each other, etc. (I've already told you about this)

As much as I don't want to be that girl, I think that there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I do love this guy. And I feel in my heart that he does love me too. How can you deny that? It hurts... oh it huuuuurts. I hate it, but I miss him. I value my independence, but I miss him. He might hurt me again, but I miiiiiiss him.

I'm a dumb girl, what can I say? I'll let you know how it works out.

Keep me in your thoughts. Ha.

Copy Max, Dollar Store & Fight Night

umm.. how does this happen everytime? I get so psyched about something, and I build it up and it lets me down BIG time.

so what am I talking about? Well, I finally got together with B. And disappointed doesn't really cut it. More like kinda disgusted. He was rude, dirty and lied about his height. Ha? I hope you can get some entertainment out of this, because well.. welcome to my life.

Aghh.. I'm so upset. To boot the worst/most awkward hanging out ever I decided to celebrate my loserism by drinking way too much at a party, resulting in a terrible headache today and slight stomach queasiness. And when I came into work today, this big account that I had spent all day working on Friday called yesterday and cancelled. I have four stories to read before Wednesday in a book that I haven't even bought yet. So of course I'm in the worst mood ever.

I'm soo sick of being down.

At least Chuck Liddell won the big fight last night. I heart him. That definitely brought a smile to my face.
Or maybe it was the vodka.

End post. This day sucks.

Kate McShifty Eyes

Agghh!! This stupid medecine is making my eyes shake! I'm having trouble focusing my eyes on things that are not directly in front of me. Not good. My mom said that that medicine did the same thing to her when she was on it. Someone won't be driving tonight.. sigh. Awesome.

So yesterday was my big dentist appointment. It went better than I expected. But I did lose a lot of blood, as I thought I would. I had little blood splatter stains all over my face when I got home. You think the hygenist would have wiped my mouth or at least told me I looked like Dracula before I left.

After the dentist I went home and took a nap, my best effort at kicking this illness in the ass before it kicks me. I had the laziest day ever. My biggest excitement of the day was watching the premiere of Survivor: Panama. I normally don't watch television, but some girls at work decided to put a bet on the show, so I put my $20 in. The guy I got is a smoker and he is bugging out about not having had a cigarette. Yea.. he's really gonna survive 40 days in the jungle. Sure. $20 down the drain.

I got a little disturbing surprise in the mail on Wednesday. It was an envelope from D with a check for one of the last phone bills I had to pay for him. There was a note on the envelope. It was an apology for what happened the last time we had spoken. It had ended badly and I had pretty much written him off at that point. The note was short, but it did mention that even though he didn't show it, he did love me and thinks he always will. I looked at the note and read it a few times. But I didn't feel what I expected to.. no heaviness, no defeat, no ulitimate misery. I actually kinda felt nothing. I wasn't sure how to take it. He hasn't told me he loved me in over a year. Even when we were together. It just never happened after a certain a point. I put the note in one of my drawers and didn't think about it again until i got to work today. You wanna know why I thought of it when I got to work today? Stupid sappy love songs on the lite rock station we have to keep on at work. Bon Jovi and Guns N Roses can kiss my ass today.

Upward and onward.. and no more of that.

So I have officially talked to B on the phone everynight this week. Yesterday he even called me in the morning to say good luck at the dentist. (He listens when I taaaaalk!!!) Still no talk of meeting up. He jokes about having 10 minutes to stop by for a bite to eat, but I truley hope that this is just a joke. Anyway, I've decided to call him on my lunch break today. He told me he has tomorrow off, so I'm going to see if he wants to meet for dinner in the evening (after he goes riding of course, don't want to intrude on his only day off). I'm just going to ask him, straight up. No games, no hinting. I think he'd like that. We'll see. If I get a cold fish, I think I'm going to chalk this one up. I really like him, but I don't know if I like where this is going. I mean, what if I end up really liking him and then we get more involved. I totally won't be satisfied with the amount of time he has available. Not sure yet.. gonna have to feel this one out a little.
I'll keep you posted.

Oh and P.S. I havent been out with the girls in over a week. I think that calls for some heavy margaritas this evening. Maybe some local pub time. I miss alcohol.

I've got friends in looooow places.

B called when he said he would. See, I told this you guy is all green light on paper. Still no word about meeting yet though. He has hinted to it this week, but no set plans yet. Ahh well. No need to rush, trust me.

Woke up sick this morning.. Not nausea like usual (nerves/stress), but more like floaty head and swollen glands in the back of my throat. I just want to put my head down.. and today is pretty much my busiest day ever. I'm at work right now and this is the first few minutes I've had to even think. It's been really busy. And as soon as I get off here at 5:30 I've got to speeeeed down I-195 to class from 6-9pm. I'm taking a three-hour class at a nearby University one night a week. I'm really excited about the criteria of the class, but I'm worried about running myself ragged. That's how I usually get sick, trying to pack to much into my time. And to start off sick is definitely not good.

Aahh.. not good.

I'm psyched for Saturday... girls' day out. Me, Sara & Steph are going for lunch, cocktails, jewelry shopping and a pedicure. I couldn't need it more. It should be a very relaxing day.

I talked to CK today and she said that her and SK have tomorrow off and so do I, so I might schedule a little skincare time with them. They work at a spa in Providence and can give me free services on their days off.
I guess I'm all about the personal care lately.. haahaha. Oh and I almost forgot, dentist appointment tomorrow. Not excited. Really scared actually. I've never been afraid of the dentist before, but lately my gums have been bleeding alot, so I'm not looking oforward to a cleaning from the hygenists from hell. You know how they just kinda tear your mouth apart.. I'm prepared to lose gallons of blood.
Maybe I should have someone drive me, in case I feel to weak to drive afterward.

Too weak ugh.. what a day.. I'm too weak to complain anymore. I'll let you know how it goes.
-K